February is National Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. One-in-three U.S. teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse by someone they are in a relationship with before adulthood. The highest rates of teen dating violence are among American Indian/Alaska Native students, according to the CDC.
Teaching teens about dating violence and how to prevent it is crucial. The first step is knowing how to talk to them, which can be challenging. Here are some CDC tips to start the conversation:
SEE EMOTIONS, TAKE YOUR TIME
The teenage years are a period of significant growth and change. This can make teens feel self-conscious or experience a wide range of emotions. Additionally, their bodies are undergoing hormonal changes, while their brains need time to develop decision-making and emotion management skills.
Take your time with your teen’s emotions: Look at their face and body language, and listen to how their voice sounds. Are they happy, sad, scared, frustrated, or excited? Help your teen find words to talk about their new, different emotions.
It is important to note that your teen’s views may not line up with yours. If they mention something that is negative or upsets you, pause and take a deep breath. If it is not a crisis moment, continue the conversation after a small break.
The CDC suggests discussing how all emotions are acceptable, but not all behaviors. Clearly communicate your expectations and boundaries to your teen.
MODEL GOOD BEHAVIOR
Being a positive role model with a healthy relationship will help set up your teen for success. Responding to your teen's emotions calmly and with understanding will help them to model those behaviors in their own lives.
Show your teen that time together is important. Your teen will get busier as they grow up, but try to have regular meals and hobbies you can do together.
Having a good relationship with your partner will also help model good dating relationships for your teen. Show respect and understanding to your significant other. Additionally, practice self-care by taking time for yourself to improve your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.
LISTEN AND ASK
Open-ended questions are a good way to become aware of your teen’s feelings. Try to really listen to what they are saying. Empathy, or showing that you understand and share your teen’s feelings, is important. Take the time to tell your teen that their feelings are valid.
At the same time, try not to give advice to your teen unless prompted, as unasked advice may cause your teen to stop and shut down the conversation. Instead, let your teen know you are there to talk when they are ready.
When you don’t pressure your teen to talk right away, you are showing that boundaries are important in all relationships, including healthy dating relationships.
BE POSITIVE AND GIVE PRAISE
Show that you love, appreciate and respect your teen by recognizing and praising their positive changes and behaviors. Be specific with your compliments, such as applauding their effort at school or a good performance in sports or a concert. When your teen knows they have done something right, they will be motivated to repeat it.
Having good self-esteem and a positive relationship with trusted adults can help lead teens to have healthy dating relationships.
PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT
Building the ability to talk about emotions, having calm conversations, and asking for help with your teen will take time. Regular practice will strengthen your relationship. This, in turn, will teach your teen that healthy relationships are based on mutual respect and communication, and they can trust you for support when needed.
Resources:
Indian Health Care Resource Center Domestic Violence Prevention HUB: The goal of IHCRC's DVP Program is to increase access to culturally sensitive domestic violence and sexual assault prevention crisis intervention. This HUB provides immediate resources.
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). This nonprofit organization offers crisis intervention, information, and referrals to victims of domestic violence as well as their friends and families.
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